Codependency in Relationships is more common than you think. According to Wikipedia, "Codependency refers to the dependence on the needs of or control of another...It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others..." (and this can be for the sake of "convenience" or to distance ourselves from our mate when we feel vulnerable.)
Wikipedia goes on to say, "Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, or control patterns."
NOT a pretty picture. But oh-so-common in many love relationships today.
This article does not pretend to be a solution for the truly troubled relationships that include abuse (substance, verbal or physical) or cruelty or other serious dysfunctional behaviors although it certainly might help.
COMMUNICATION and CONNECTION are the key ingredients that are missing here.
When I think about the common, every day, garden variety of codependency in relationships, I get the uncomfortable image of a long suffering, long-married couple who say things like,
Does this sound like YOU talking about YOUR codependent relationship? Are you stuck in a rut of boredom, lack of inspiration and blame? Does it all seem like too much hard work?
Hmmm....What a sad comment on the state of romance in most love relationships!
What happened to that spark of joy lighting up his face whenever you entered the room? That flutter of excitement you used to feel when he reached out to hold your hand? (and kissed it!)
It's never too late to create the relationship of your dreams!
in relationships can simply be a habit that doesn't really serve ANYONE
very well. Just because you've been like this "forever" doesn't mean
that you can't change it for the better.
Consider trading in your coDEPENDENCY for CoCREATIVITY.
Co CREATIVITY is the practice of INTENTIONALLY designing your relationship to nourish and support BOTH of you. It involves